| |
| |
|
Attraction Information brought to you by personals4all.com |
|
|
|
How to Tame the Destructive Ego
Polly's storyPolly had a four year old child who nearly every day would scream at her: "I want to kill you!"Polly tried her best to keep her cool but predictably, the point was soon reached when she would feel herself almost bursting with rage every time she heard the offensive words. One day when he said them, she locked the child in his room for an hour. He yelled his lungs out all the while, but it didn't stop him from later saying the same thing again. Another day, Polly poured black pepper on the kid's tongue, and another time she tried washing his mouth out with soap. All these "remedies" may have helped her little son understand who the "boss" was, but for all that, he went on informing her regularly, in a nasty tone, that he wanted to kill her. In desperation, Polly phoned up a friend who was already an experienced mother and asked her what she would do in such circumstances. "As the oldest of three children, he probably feels left out of things," advised the friend. "I would say he's not hateful, he's just in pain. Don't respond to the words. Only respond to the pain." The next day, true to form, the little chap shouted out the four dreaded words. Acting on her friends advice, Polly hugged him, smiled and said: "Even if you want to kill me, I love you more than anything in the world." Once the boy had recovered from the unexpected "shock" and the atmosphere was calmer, Polly tried to find out what was bothering him. That was the last time he ever uttered those words, or anything similar. If you're like most people, you react almost every day to situations you perceive to be threatening in much the same way that Polly would respond to her little one's painful verbal jabs - only to get nowhere for your trouble! Credit card bluesLet's say that a man gets really hot under the collar while checking the family credit card statement, after noticing that his wife had bought some big ticket items without his knowledge. If she decides to give in to her first impulse, the lady might well yell back at him: "You old skinflint!" (or an even less flattering "compliment") and continue: "What's the matter with you? Aren't I entitled to a few decent clothes like any other woman?" Alternatively, she resist the temptation of an impulsive response, calm down a little and say: "You're right. Neither of us should make a purchase without first consulting the other. You know, I'm really sorry. I didn't intend to hurt you." And hopefully, that's the end of the incident. (Note that I'm not talking about abusive personalities - emotionally disturbed souls who will continue to insult and manipulate you no matter how gently you respond to them. With such people, you're probably better off keeping your distance. Here, though, we're presumably dealing with a rational, well disposed gentleman, just feeling the stress of having to be continually vigilant in the ongoing struggle to balance the family budget.) Martha vs. SidMartha was an idealistic young lady young lady who lived more for other people than for herself. In fact, one of the reasons why she was attracted to Sid, the man who was to become her husband, was that for many years he had been very involved in community activism and welfare work in his spare time.In the first weeks and months of marriage, she was apparently quite surprised to see some major changes in Sid's after-work routine. Very understandably - at least, many people would have thought so - he cut back sharply on his community volunteering in order to spend time with his new wife. Martha, for her part, was flattered enough by his attention and grateful for his devoted help around the house. Unfortunately, her pleasure was marred by an inner conflict: what she had wanted in a husband was a sort of public hero - a man whose life revolved around his community, not around his hearth and home! Martha tried to persuade him to return to his communal endeavors. This only served to alienate him, since took it as a sign that Martha didn't really appreciate all the attention he was showering upon her. Eventually, Martha also turned to an older and more experienced friend for advice. "Lay off! Leave the poor man alone," counseled her friend. "Concentrate on improving yourself, not him. Work every day on refining and perfecting your character traits. And in particular, always try to think of new things you could be doing for your husband - things that will make him a little happier, his life that much easier..."
From that day on, her marriage went from strength to strength. Now, what do Martha, Polly and the lady whose husband didn't like her spending habits all have in common? Who's in control?If you think about it, it boils down to this: each of them controlled their Ego! They subdued it, they harnessed it, they molded it to their advantage. Each of them had their own inner struggle, certainly. But ultimately, they did not allow the Ego to control them. Absolutely not! It's a well known fact that when a person senses danger, the body pumps out stress hormones such as adrenaline. Adrenaline then cause the system to release fat into the bloodstream, which provides the extra energy the person needs to fight off the danger. It's also well known that when a person gets angry, the body receives a false signal and starts producing adrenaline even in the absence of real danger. If this happens often enough, it can cause irreversible harm to the body. The fascinating thing is that this pattern of events operates not only on the physical level. When you smell danger around the corner but none, in fact, exists, and you start to panic for no good reason, you unwittingly inflict on yourself real damage on the emotional plane as well. And, as if the personal damage isn't bad enough, sometimes your relationship with someone close to you somehow gets caught up in the firing line. Let's say you're standing in line at the supermarket checkout when somebody behind pushes you aside and strides up to the cashier. His very act of queue jumping is a red light for you and you get hopping mad. But before your blood pressure has even had time to rise, the offender has already finished his transaction and you're free to proceed. You stop to think. "Hey, my body and my emotions have just taken a terrible pounding, but why? Was I in any type of danger? No, it appears not. Then why the heck did I get so hot under the collar? "On second thoughts, though, there was a part of me that came under threat. But which part? Only my Ego, actually.....And for the sake of a bruised Ego I'm willing to get so excited over an inconsequential delay of precisely eighteen seconds?" It's only your Ego that's hurt when you pass an acquaintance in the street and she returns your greeting with a blank stare. It's only your Ego that's hurt when a clerk at a government office yells at you for not bringing the right forms. It's only your Ego that's hurt when you do something beyond the normal line of duty at the office, but nobody seems to appreciate it. And it's only your Ego that's hurt when you go out of your way to prepare something special for dinner, but as far as you know, your family don't even notice it. Once you have learned to distinguish between real danger and mere ego-danger, you will have the key in your hands for vanquishing the troublesome Ego and confining it to its proper place for ever. Azriel Winnett is creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily.
MORE RESOURCES:
Attraction - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Get a New Attitude One of the first and foremost things to do to change your life is to change your attitude. Attitude is fundamental to the success or failure that we experience in our life. Discover the Magical Power of Pulling Heartstrings ...Its Mindblowing! I wish you never have to go through that kind of pain!Last week, I was on the breath-taking island of Puerto Rico at a resort on the beach enjoying the crashing waves of the ocean and the cool breeze. If you don't know by now, I am an observer. Its All Up to You (Nobody is Coming to Save You!) As painful as this realization may be, it is absolutely true. Wherever we are in our lives and whatever we are doing, it is because we have put ourselves there. A New Beginning With The People At Work There's a big opportunity here! The holidays bring a change in spirit in most folks. Even though they may be more tired than usual from all the demands of the season, they are filled with holiday cheer. Some Straight Talk About Your Success And Happiness I want to warn you: this article can cause some discomfort, indignation and sense of insult in minds of people who are not ready to be successful. If you are not ready to face the truth, please don't read this article, because I don't want to hurt your feelings for nothing. Yes You Can If you could change one thing in your life today, what would it be? Why don't you have some of the things you'd like to have, and why do you have some? What's the reason for the inconsistency?Do you find yourself wondering what people think of you? Has that line of thinking ever made you doubt your abilities and your potential?Do you ever catch yourself thinking 'I can't do that, I'm not good enough' or 'that level of success and prosperity is for them, not for poor old me', or other similar thoughts?One thing you must realize is that your success in any venture starts with your thoughts about it. If you think you can succeed (in losing weight, stopping smoking, securing a high-income- paying job, finding your ideal partner, etc, etc), you're already on your way to getting what you want. What Will It Cost You? What will it cost you if you don't do it?Everyone has a secret dream that they nourish in their hearts.Yet many of these dreams never emerge beyond mere wishful thinking. Electrical Deficiencies Our feelings are perceived by means of our sensors, our sensors are designed to detect conductors of energy that have the power to stir our feelings.It is this power we long for in particular individuals that manage to stir these responses in us, whether they manage to match their negatives with our positives or vice versa, generating a current we are unconsciously plugged into and are likely to become hooked on like junkies, particular currents determined by our electrical weaknesses and deficiencies, and the energy levels and forms we actually need to complement and supplement this malnutrition. Be The Chooser "We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Khalil GibranOur life works and can be full of joy when we make effective choices. True Friends Are Not Dream-Slashers A friendship poem:Choose friends wisely, the portrait they paintIs who you are and who you ain't.Friendship is life's great supportWhen friends are of the right sort. Creating Your Future The questions of life may call to you. You may wonder about your purpose. How Anyone Can Manifest Anything! My mother taught me how to teach others about the power of the mind. By learning how to teach her, I learned how to communicate essential wealth-building ideas to others. So, The Thing Is... We Reap What We Sow So, the thing is? we reap what we sow.A few weeks ago, my daughters and I planted some seeds. Guiltless Contentment 'Have I stopped dreaming?' 'Why am I not as stressed?' 'Why am I not on the 'move' like most people of my age?' Is something really amiss?'Guilt in Contentment?Is there really such a thing as guilt in feeling contented?"Guilt may come from comparing your living conditions to others and not living up to your own standards. It arises from unreasonable demands on yourself especially when you fashion your life to someone else's," wrote Maxwell Maltz, M. When Will Love Find me? Love. You may notice that I made that an entire sentence. What is the Life Your Were Born To Live? In my private practice for the past 15 years I have discovered how hungry we are to find deep fulfillment and loving, make wise choices for ourselves and the planet, and walk in union with our higher guidance.Yet our days are filled with endless, empty lists of have-tos, shoulds, and must-dos. How to Improve Your Love Life with the Power of Feng Shui - Without Spending a Dime! FENG shui (say "fung shway") is the art of creating a home environment that supports the life you wish to live. A key element of feng shui is creating a smooth flow of chi (positive energy) through your space. Step-By-Step Guide to Manifest Your Desires I have been talking about manifestation for a long time. My intention is to make people be aware of the unlimited power they have been given since the moment they were born and hopefully I can help to awaken their inner potential to get them connected back to the source of creation. My Other Life is Exciting, is Yours? Everyone dreams of a more exciting life or a life that is different to the one they are living now.As you dream about your other life, you know the one, where you're slimmer or fatter or the one where you meet your perfect partner and live happily ever after or you have a million dollars or you pass the exam and go to the top of the class, the dreams go on and on and we all have them. The Joy Of Living In The Zone What do people want most in the world? What is the most sought-after goal? From the moment we awaken to the moment we close our eyes at night, what is it we seek every minute of the day?We want to feel good. The primary motivation behind every action we take is the desire to feel happy.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
